I was content with just letting the 2008 fade away and continue preparing a few articles to finish the year out right. My plan seemed to be working until I got an email from Eddie Long:
Eddie Long is an opportunistic snake-oil salesman who seeks to cast himself as relevant as “a voice of God for the nations” (as he declares from his “pulpit” regularly). As our brother Independent Conservative eloquently noted a few weeks ago, Eddie has decided that he needed to pimp the new president – in addition to the lemmings who line his pockets weekly – by creating a hybrid “worship service/inaugural viewing party”. Eddie has lined up to the trough for Bill Clinton and GW Bush in the past (famously declaring that he went to Bush’s White House but “didn’t have intercourse”, and bragging about how he “deals with the White House…I deal with Tony Blair…”), so it would stand to reason that he’d try to climb into bed (figuratively) with “No Drama” Obama.
Like the many subway hucksters selling t-shirts, buttons, and magazine covers, Eddie is employing his EXCELLENT marketing strategies to host an “inaugural party” on January 20th – thus the “ticket” you see above.
That’s right, I said “EXCELLENT marketing strategies” because Eddie is a masterful marketer. He has created a brand with his church Club New Birth, so much so that he uses the “goofy trident”symbol as opposed to a representation of the Cross of Christ. Before I fled Eddie’s club in search of my dignity and self respect, I heard him say on many occasions that he wanted “the New Birth brand to be as famous as McDonald’s Golden Arches”. Not to be content with just creating a brand, Eddie even had expensive jewelry designed to replicate the “goofy trident” symbol, and he wears it faithfully. He also has the jewelry replicated so that he can present baubles to various “ministry sons” as a sign of allegiance…like a thug rapper presents gold chains to his crew.
Eddie is such an excellent marketer that he has created a revenue stream from licensing the “goofy trident’s” likeness to various “ministry sons”. Back in 2004, Eddie charged $10,000 a year to “sons” like Terrell Murphy of New Birth Charlotte and Andre Landers of New Birth South (as seen in this archived site from 2002) so that they too could market the “goofy trident’s” likeness for their New Birth satellite churches. Landers grew tired of paying the annual licensing fee (now well over $10,000 a year), so he broke away from Eddie’s marketing machine to start his own marketing empire (Landers is still Long’s dutiful son, however – he’s just happier pimping his own congregation instead of kicking money up to the Alpha pimp).
Eddie Long is such a masterful marketer. He figured that in addition to launching his own homegrown “ministry sons” from the “mothership” to wreak havoc on unsuspecting sheep, he could establish the “New Birth Family of Churches” in order to collect even more money from lemmings all across the land – so he convinced at least two pastors to turn their churches over to him:
Since the early days of New Birth Church in 1997, our goal has been to reach out to the Bay Area with the love of God and the good news of His Son, Jesus Christ. Early in 2004, this vision stepped into high gear as we became part of the 25,000+ member strong New Birth Family of Churches under Bishop Eddie Long.
July 1, 2006, after much prayer Pastor Getties and Elder Anita Jackson met with the United Christian Ministries Church family to make the announcement official. We will officially become New Birth Greenville January 1, 2007.
Eddie decided that he also needed to step up his “television game”, so he appeared on two Atlanta-based reality shows within the last two months: “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” (a show detailing the excessive lifestyles of wealthy black “housewives” in Atlanta) and “Keyshia Coles: The Way It Is” (a reality show follwing R&B singer Keyshia Cole and here dysfunctional family). On the “Housewives” show, Eddie thinks that he’s marketable enough to be auctioned off (along with his wife) for a lunch date in order to help one of the vapid housewives raise money for her “charity”. On the “Keyshia Coles…” show, Eddie is chosen to counsel Coles’ mess of a sister (in front of the cameras, off course – what a shock!). Yup, that Eddie Long is a doggone marketing genius!
You almost have to (grudgingly) give Eddie Long his due – he is a masterful marketer who rakes in millions of dollars in personal income annually. I say “almost” because you must remember that Eddie Long props himself up to be a minister of the Gospel – which means that he is a degenerate pimp who uses God to attract and abuse spiritually immature “Christians”, all the while extracting cash and property from their possession with surgical precision.
So for Pimp Eddie the Masterful Marketer, there is hardly a better way to attach yourself to the newest marketing superstar – Barack Obama. If you notice the “ticket” above, Eddie’s “goofy trident” symbol is overlayed right on top of Obama’s “hope/change” symbol” – and Pimp Eddie is pictured essentially sitting on Obama’s back. If that doesn’t scream “I’M WITH OBAMA!”, then I don’t know what does. Lets forget the fact the Obama’s personal beliefs (abortion, homosexual unions and “rights”, the irrelevancy of scripture) are enough to make a TRUE minister not even want to be photographed with him.
But we must remember – Eddie Long is NOT a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, he’s a balding slick-haired, tight shirt wearing, “watch this” spouting marketing genius…so there is no compromise to speak of.
When you look at the facts, Eddie and Obama have a lot in common:
Eddie doesn’t preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and Obama doesn’t believe that Christ is the only way to salvation OR that the bible is the infallible Word of God
Obama embraces homosexuality, and so does Eddie
Obama tells people what they want to hear, and so does Eddie
Obama believes that government should be used as an instrument of plunder to redistribute wealth, Eddie believes that the Gospel should be TWISTED and used as an instrument of plunder in order to garner wealth for himself and his cronies
Too bad the Apostle Paul wasn’t as savvy a marketer like Eddie Long. If he would’ve just co-opted his ministry with the rulers of his day, he wouldn’t have had to live off handouts from the early Christians who desired to know God’s truth. Instead of roaming town to town proclaiming the TRUE GOSPEL, Paul should have marketed himself better, and avoided this testimony:
2 Corinthians 11:24-27 (New American Standard Bible)
24 Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes.
25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep.
26 I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren;
27 I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.
Such a waste.
But hey – Eddie Long is WAAAYYY smarter than the early Apostles. He has this whole “we’re here to take over” dominionism/alignment with the “kings of this world” thing all figured out.
Yup, old Eddie Long is a masterful marketer …